Still breathing
by rosalina2123
Summary: What if the events of 1x06 turned out just a little bit differently? When Jim goes undercover trying to catch Ritcher, and his cover is found out by Richter, Richter will seek his revenge, by tying a band around his arm so tight he loses sensation, will his team get to him in time? I left the world today Every second that it takes and far away... And if I hesitate then there is
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Hot pain fills my arm as I feel him pull the band tight, he's trying to cut off circulation, and its working,I'm feeling pins and needles already. This isn't good, I could lose feeling completely in minutes, and then I'm in a real heap of trouble. He lets me go, and I hit the ground,hard,rolling away from him,then sit up against the wall. I watch as he puts the same type of band around the kids neck,to strangle him, as the others run away,except for Richter, who makes his way back to me, then gets down to my level,and smacks me. "I can't believe you lied to me you little bitch, you are going to get what's coming to you"he says quietly as I feel him grab me hard, then roll me on my back as I try to kick out,and have no luck,he gets his knee in my back,holds me down,then I feel a hand go down my waistband. Right as this happens,he makes it past my boxers,but nothing more, shots ring out, he goes down on top of me, blood getting on me,and on the wall. It's my team thank goodness,the situation is humiliating,but I know they know I can't help it,that I did the best I can.

I feel a hand on my shoulder,and a voice, it's Chris, "Easy Jim,we got you, Luca help me get him rolled over"she says as I realize he's sitting beside me. I feel them get the dead weight off of my back,no comments on how Ritchers hand is down my pants,then roll me onto my back. "Shit his arm, we need to get that thing off of him now,it's causing loss of circulation"she says as I feel something cold against my arm,sorta, it's a knife, and they cut off the band. I get a glimpse of it,and it's bad,real bad, I can see where it cut into my skin,there's some blood, and I can't feel hard anything,I can't move it. "Chris I can't feel it, there's nothing there,it's numb"I say shakily, scared mostly,and crashing from the adrenaline. "Shh I know Jim,we're going to get help,Luca go let Hondo know we're going to need the medics"she says as he gets up,then she helps me sit up. I feel her wrap her arm around me as the tears finally come,I hate crying in front of anyone,but I'm scared,and she gets that,she understands that.

"How bad did it get Jim, did he do anything to you other than your arm"she asks as I feel her rub it,to get some feeling back,and I start to feel some pain,ouch,that's almost worse. "It got bad, he put the band on my arm,to prove a point,then he let me go,I hit the ground,then he put the band on that kids throat, then he came over to me,smacked me, then got me on my stomach,put a knee against my back,then when he was putting his hand down my pants you guys shot him,he didn't do anything,he got past my boxers"I say. "Oh Jim, it'll be ok, I'm here for you,we all are, I can keep the part of him putting his hands down your pants between us if you want me to,shh easy I know it hurts"she murmus as I feel her hug me. Out of everyone on the team,she's the one I've gotten closest to, I'm close to everyone of course,but we just clicked.

I hear footsteps approach us, and I look up to see medics approaching us,a guy and a girl. The girl kneels down in front of me,and introduces herself as Ana, and her partner as Brett. "Ok,can I take a look at your arm honey,I'll be as gentle as I can Jim"she says, "yeah that's fine,I can't really feel anything,a little bit of pain is it,ow"I murmur feeling her palpate my arm, taking a look at where the band was tied. "Ok,that's not good honey, you might have a crush injury from how tight the band was,we need to get you out of here and to the hospital alright, are you ok for me to put you on an oxygen mask"she asks as Brett hands her the mask,"yeah,am I going to be ok"I ask feeling that bone gripping fear make it's presence known,I'm so unbeliavbly scared,I feel Chris squeeze my shoulder as she gets the mask over my face,over my nose and mouth. I see Brett come over to me, with the gurney,and they lift me onto it gently,then strap me in. I feel her squeeze my hand gently,in support as we start moving,and before I know it we're at the ambulance. They get me inside,then I hear Chris asking if she can come with me,and she is told yes that she can. They get in,Brett into the drivers seat,and we take off as I see her reach for a needle,to start an IV. I hear her tell Chris to keep my attention on her,keep me distracted while she does what she needs to do,and she does. "Jim look at me, there we go,focus on trying to squeeze my hand"she says gently as I try to squeeze her hand that's in mine on my injured side. I can do it barely, it hurts, but I can do it, "he's doing it, he can squeeze my hand,barely,but he's doing it"she says as I feel a pinprick,then tape being put on my arm as she tapes the tube down,and it's over.

"That's good, Jim can you squeeze my hand for me"she asks as I try to do so,weakly,but I can. "Your doing great,I'm going to get a pulse on you ok,then we'll get your shirt off so I can check your heart rate"she says gently,taking my hand on my injured side in hers,and taking my pulse,then writing it down. "You've got a little bit of a pulse,which is good,and your heart rate is good"she says as I feel the cool scissors against my skin,and she gets my shirt off, then puts the sticky pads against my chest. At this point we come to a stop,and the doors are pulled open,we're in the ambulance bay, that's a good thing. They get the gurney out,and I'm swarmed by a doctor and a few nurses,and I hear Ana tell them everything she knows,and gives them my vitals. We start to move inside,and I feel a nurse lift my arm,to look at it,and it's too much,I cry out in pain, oh god it hurts, so guess it's not numb anymore. "Ow,ow,make it stop,it hurts,it hurts"I murmur,feeling tears prick my eyes. "Shh,I know honey, we need to get him on some heavier pain meds,he's really hurting"I hear her tell the doctor as we get inside the room. "Ok,give him some Dialudid, it'll help with the pain"she says as I see a syringe,and she puts it into my arm,into the valve,and the next thing I know I'm really out of it,and have no idea what's happening to me,other than seeing a white light,and the pain dissipates again.


	2. Chapter 2

The sensation of warm light being shined in my eyes causes me to wince as I realize it's just the nurse,meaning she's checking my pupils. "Easy Jim, your ok, can you open your eyes for me honey"she asks as I do as she asks,looking at her with bleary brown eyes. "How long have I been out"I ask quietly, almost afraid to ask, I'm already in a gown, and there's another Iv in my arm, "only about an hour, we got you checked out, x rayed, and your now in a room in the ICU,the doctor will be back in a few to finish checking everything, then tell you about what's going on with you health wise, can you get on your side for me for a minute"she asks gently, and I do as she asks with her help. "OK"I murmur, too tired to say much else, I see her lift my gown from the front, and I flinch, which I know is normal after what happened with Richter, and what he almost did to me. It's happened to me before,what he tried to do to me,when I was undercover, by one of his guys, but no one knows that,but me and Brian, it was too embarrassing, he drugged me, I should've kept better eye on my drink, he took me into his apartment before surveillance could do anything about it, Brian was in surveillance, he broke into the apartment to rescue me, but by then it was too late, the guy had done what he wanted, he pulled a gun,which got him shot,and killed. I feel her hand on my inner thigh,which is when I realize I feel tape against my skin,meaning I have a catheter in,and she needs to check urine output. "Why do I have a catheter"I ask quietly, "we put one in to keep track of urine output, a big issue with this kind of injury is kidney failure, so we need to make sure your kidneys stay in good shape"she says as she puts the gown down then helps me onto my back again.

"OK,am I in kidney failure now"I ask,dreading the answer, "your not as of the moment Jim honey, I'm going to go track down the doctor so we can look at your arm,would you like Chris to come in here for awhile"she asks pulling the sheet up over me,"yeah that would be good"I say quietly. She leaves at this point,closing the door behind her, then a few moments later the door opens again and Chris comes in,coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Hey there, how are you feeling"she asks running a hand through my hair gently, "been better, just want to know what's going on, the nurse didn't tell me anything"I murmur,knowing she might tell me what's happened since I first got here. "I hear ya, it's been alot, they got you here,and you were in so much pain they gave you some pain meds, you've been in and out of it for awhile, they got your arm X rayed and they came to talk to us, they told us that your kidneys could fail, due to the injury, they also said they needed to cut into your arm to relieve pressure,I gave them permission to do so,they did it awhile ago, then moved you up here"she murmurs as I realize the gauze on my arm for the first time.

"Ok,I'm sorry for scaring you, where is everyone"I ask as she squeezes my hand, "most everyone went home for the night,to get some rest,they'll be here tomorrow,Hondo is still here,he's downstairs getting some coffee,and you have nothing to be sorry about, it's not your fault"she murmurs . We sit in quiet for awhile,then the door opens,and it's the doctor, it's a woman,which makes me feel a bit more comfortable. She introduces herself as as she puts on her gloves,then comes over to the bed as Chris gets up to give her room. "how are you feeling Jim"she asks as I watch her grab the thermometer,to get my temperature, "Ok,been better, just tired,and sore"I murmur as she places it against my temple, then a few minutes later it beeps. "That's understandable, your not running a fever,so that's good, the nurse told me she checked the catheter,and your urine output looks good, I want to keep you for at least 48 hours, make sure your out of the woods,and your kidney function contiunes to be good,I'm going to check your arm alright"she says as she puts the thermometer back where it belongs.

"Ok,how bad is my arm"I ask quietly,sorta afraid to know, but knowing I need to know at the same time, "not too bad, we relieved some of the pressure, we made a cut, and cut out some fascia,we closed it up with some Dermaclose,but we will need to watch for swelling"she says as I feel Chris grab my hand as she unwraps the gauze,I get a quick glimpse of it, it's bloody, and nasty looking,oh god. "Easy,look at me Jim,don't look at it"she murmurs as I look at her, trying to not focus on the pain, the discomfort,the grossness of it. Before I know it,it's over,and she's wrapping some new guaze around my arm. "It looks good considering everything, it'll heal up well, you may be in pain for a few days, so you have a button to push for morphine as you need it alright, and if you need anything please don't hesitate to push the call button OK"she asks as she throws away her old gloves,then puts a new pair on. "OK,what time is it"I ask quietly, "It's around 9:00, do you mind getting onto your side for me for a minute"she asks, "no,not at all"I say as I feel her and Chris help me onto my side gently.

I let her do her thing,she's checking the catheter again, then she's done and I'm rolled back onto my back,pillow placed underneath my hip,another placed behind my head more comfortably. "Well we're all done for now, call if you need anything, the nurse should be back by to check on you at 10:30,and I'll be by again in the morning"she says as she throws out her old gloves. "Ok"I say as Chris sits back down beside me as she leaves,then I feel her place a hand on my shoulder. "Are you doing ok with pain right now,are you uncomfortable"she asks gently, "I'm ok, I'm not in too much pain right now, but I will let you know, does my mom know anything yet"I ask, finally hitting me in the midst of all of this that she deserves to know what's happening. "Yeah she does, she should be calling any time now to talk to you, they are working on getting her out so she can come visit"she says as she squeezes my hand, "sounds good, I feel bad that everyone has had to be here all night so far,I never thought everything would get that far in there tonight,I'm just glad Richter didn't get very far, it's happened before,with one of his other guys about two years ago,and backup didn't get to me in time, Brian tried to save me,he shot the guy,killed him"I say,finally letting the truth come out.

"It's ok Jim, we're your team, we got your back,we don't ever leave anyone behind, I'm so sorry that happened to you,did you get help at all after that"she asks gently,trying to get me to open up little by little. "Yeah I did, I got counseling,and it helped alot,I got medical care too, it's gotten better, I don't have nightmares as much anymore,it mainly gets bad right around the anniversary of when it happend,the first year was nightmares and panic attacks, last year I had one panic attack,then mostly nightmares, the anniversary is coming up, it'll be in Febuary"I say as I feel tears sting my eyes,and I feel her brush them away gently, "shh, I'll be here for you when that time comes alright, you won't have to be alone this time,now how about you try to get some sleep alright, I know it's been a hard trying day and your tired"she says rubbing my tense shoulders gently. "Yeah,wake me up if the nurse comes or my mom calls alright"I murmur as I feel the exhaustion hit me all at once. "Will do"she murmurs,then the room goes quiet,and my eyes start to close and I'm out like a light.


End file.
